Something happens to your brain when you become a mother.

After one child I definitely had some memory problems. Especially during those early newborn days when the lack of sleep is almost unbearable when you can still remember what a full nights sleep feels like.  I remember being a bit foggy and there were many times when Andrew said to me ‘I’ve told you this already’  and I’d be adamant that he hadn’t.

But after two children?  My brain feels thick and foggy. Some days I can barely string words together to make sentences.  I stare at a blank page with a thousand ideas swirling round in my head, yet I’m unable to grab the words and get them down in any logical order. I write a thousand blog posts in my head whilst changing nappies and rocking Rory to sleep, yet when it comes to having some time for myself my brain feels dense, almost as if it closes for the day as the boys find sleep.

In social situations it’s like my brain can’t keep up. Holding a conversation whilst stopping every few seconds to wipe sticky hands, caution and answer a thousand questions about the tiniest of details means I often forget what I was talking about, forget the punch line or worse; forget I was even talking at all. I walk away from get togethers without a single memory of what we spoke about.

I crave adult conversation and yet it’s almost like my mind has become like a child’s.  Flitting from topic to topic and unable to focus for longer than a few seconds.  I’ve never been one for maths, clearly words have always been ‘my thing’. Yet I’ve always managed to get my head around money (funny how the right motivation can help, right?) and yet right now I can’t even add up the most basic of sums. My mind is completely unable to picture the numbers at all.

And I try, I really do.   I have a new appreciation for when I’m explaining to students and they’re giving me that ‘blank stare’ back.  That’s pretty much where my mind lives now.

I’m sure it’s a protective thing.  Motherhood does something to our brains to protect it. Our bodies are working round the clock so the mind goes into another mode. Idle or something.

I hope it doesn’t last too long. I hope it’s just the early days of adjusting to life with two.  Tell me my brain will return.   (Feel free to lie to make me feel better!)

*Forgive the mostly unrelated images.  My brain can’t even manage to think of what sort of image would match these words. And really, a cute baby makes everything better.