Labour and Birth. Round 2.
* Today’s post follows on from Friday’s somewhat. It still makes me angry, but with only 3 weeks left, I’m working on letting it go. But I still think it’s important to post this one. After all, it’s a part of my story and one I wish I’d known last time. So maybe it will help someone out there to ask the right questions for them? Hindsight is a beautiful thing, isn’t it?
Do you know what?
I’m angry about birth. Not just Eamon’s in particular, (though there are definitely parts of that where I now shake my head in disbelief.) But birth in general.
Why aren’t we taught how to work with our body during labour and birth? How have we come so far with medicine yet have lost the perspective to see when the medicinal system needs to take a giant step back and just let the body do its thing?!
I did a hypnobirthing course with Caitlin from Mother Down Under a few months ago and I found myself responding to so much of the information with a “ohh that’s why that happened” or “ohhh, so that’s why that didn’t work.”
Instead of the hospital issued ante-natal classes that pretty much only covered what pain relief was available and what complications might occur, hypnobirthing taught me everything I wish I knew last time.
And no, I’m not anti-medicine and I am more than aware how lucky I am to live in a country where medical options and interventions are available if we need them. But it’s the when we need them part that seems to have become so screwed up. And yes I’m sure that in most cases they think they’re doing the right thing. I’m sure when you’re working with a 40+ week pregnant woman who is very uncomfortable it seems like the right thing to do to offer help to move things along. But like most things in the natural world, the body doesn’t care if we are uncomfortable and it won’t work by any clock or calendar. Messing with how the body prepares and carries out labour and birth often just starts a cascade of interventions and once you’re on that train its often hard to get off.
I just wish I knew this last time so that I was more empowered to ask why instead of just accepting the options that were presented to me.
So how am I going into it differently this time?
+ I’m educating myself on how my body works and what I can do to get out of the way (Ina May’s Guide To Childbirth, Marie Mongan’s hynobirthing, among many others)
+ I’m asking questions. (Last time I remember going to Dr appointments and literally having no questions. Because I didn’t know what I didn’t know and had no clue what to ask. This time I’ve got questions written down and ready to go.)
+ I’m speaking up about what I want and what I don’t want
+ I’m practicing how to relax and am working on letting go of the fear that only works against what my body needs to do.
How did you approach round two differently?
Previous Post
I found round two amazing and frustrating all in one. All of my health care provider were like”oh you have done this before”. But I was like yeah! FREKEN YEARS AGO! Plus every pregnancy is different. But being older and more knowledgeable I knew to stop them and argue/question.
What I found great was with Tamika, having had the knowledge of two previous babies, I was able to be honest and informative. So she jokes she sailed through her pregnancy because she was the body and I was the knowledge.
How lucky is Tamika to have you there and also that you had Jarvis only a few years before so it was all fresh in your mind!
Oh my gosh. I could have written these posts word for word! This is my story……”normal” hospital birth for my daughter (induced due to dates, baby moved, got stuck in transition, epidural, vacuum, episiotomy). I beat myself up about it all because everything went against my instincts. Even turning up to the hospital at the designated time went against what my gut was telling me. I seriously didn’t get past this until just weeks (possibly days to be honest) before my son was born in September last year. This time I needed to a) be clear of all the junk from last time and b) do it my way – ie trust my instincts. Anyhoo spontaneous labour, long prelabour, realised I didn’t trust my doctor when it was apparent we were on VERY different wave lengths about what an instinctual and “natural” hospital birth looks like but you know what I did it my way!! I was lucky to have my husband there, a doula and a midwife that shares our views on how birth should be. Got to labour in the water and STAND UP to deliver my baby. I also managed to argue my point with my doctor who was freaking out WHILE I WAS PUSHING. I spent a lot of time doing hypnobirthing AUstralia’s guided meditations (=awesome). I live rurally and don’t have access to classes. I rocked up at the hospital after a massage and 3 days of ouchy contractions to be checked at 4pm – 2cms, bulging waters…..fast forward to 6pm back at the hospital after a pregnancy massage … 8cms. So proud of my birth team, and myself and my baby. We did awesome. It can be done. Do it your way mama bear. YOU know what is right for your body. I’m not anti-medicine at all (which is why I chose to give birth in a hospital) but that stuff is just there for back up. It is the mumma’s gig. Do it. Good luck!! Birth IS important. How I felt about my daughter’s birth completely shaped how I felt about myself as a mother at the most vulnerable part of motherhood….the very beginning! I feel so sad that our journey was rocky because of that but I feel as though it was necessary in order to have gotten to the point that I did before my son’s birth and it’s almost as if you become a mother again. Because this time you have two babies, two little souls to nurture and love. Motherhood takes on a new dimension. It hasn’t (and isn’t) without it’s challenges (hell no!!!) but this time around I was present. I felt connected to myself and my children. I felt like a Mum. I truly believe that my birth experience (and hypnobirthing preparation) can be credited. Enjoy your transformation however it happens. Everything will work out exactly the way it should xx
Thank you so much for this beautiful comment. You have summed it up so perfectly. The way I felt about birth the first time round really did affect how I felt about being a Mum and it’s taken me w long time to move past those feelings. I was rural first time round so I know how hard it is to find the right information because there is so little out there. I feel so much more empowered this time and comments like this really help. I can’t wait! X